Mental Wounds in My Skin

Photography series :Theatre by Lewis Khan & Slaghuis by Thembinkosi Hlatshwayo
Soundtrack recorded by Lupus (The Judgement Hall Records) using compositions by Braveyoung, Jóhann Jóhannsson & Max Richter

This publication documents my experiences from the 8.08.20 - 15.08.20. During this time I received a single stab wound to the epigastrium, penetrating the liver, stomach and bowel. An emergency laparotomy was performed in order to conduct major organ surgery, the final 30 minutes of which had to be undertaken in a fully woken state. In the 24 hours that followed the lungs developed pneumonia, leading to a seven day battle to avoid a collapse of the respiratory system. This journal is a recollection of the struggle to comprehend the blurred line between the objectivity and abstractness of physical & mental collapse.

The compositions that guided me through the seven day period in the critical care ward at The Royal London Hospital have been used as the soundtrack to this journal. I will be forever thankful to the friends, first responders and surgeons that saved my life and especially grateful to my partner, without whom the path to recovery would not be illuminated.

It takes minute detail
It takes a holy life
It takes emotions
It takes dedication
It takes dedication
It takes a death

And only God can allow it
And you couldn't do it if you're not the seed of God
And so the path through the great corridors
These are corridors unto his perfection
That is which the prophet and the Urim and Thummim has penetrated

That through this great sea of blackness
That I penetrated through these corridors
And I went through that last segment
Where I went through these dark serpentines
I passed through that corridor
Where they sat, where they are

And when you penetrate to the most high God
You will believe you are mad
You will believe you've gone insane
But I tell you if you follow the secret window
And you die to the ego nature
You will penetrate this darkness

Oh yes there's many a man or woman
That's been put in the insane asylum
When this has happened to them
And they're sitting there today, people think they're insane

But they saw something that's real
And they see it when they're on drugs

The only thing is they see it
Not through the light of God, and the way I show you
I show you to see it through the light of God
And the understanding of God

Because when you see the face of God, you will die
And there will be nothing left of you
Except the God-man, the God-woman
The heavenly man, the heavenly woman
The heavenly child

There'll be prayer on your lips day and night
There'll be a song of jubilee waiting for your king
There will be nothing you will not be be looking for in this world
Except in for your God

This is all a dream
A dream in death